VMS Version 4.7

Please stop submitting SPR's.  This is our system.  We designed it,
we built it, and we use it more than you do.  If there are some
features you think might be missing, if the system isn't as effective
as you think it could be, TOUGH!    Give it back, we don't need you.
See figure. 1

                !               _               !
                !              { }              !
                !              | |              !
                !              | |              !
                !           .-.! !.-.           !
                !         .-!  ! !  !.-.        !
                !         ! !       !  ;        !
                !         \           ;         !
                !          \         ;          !
                !           !       :           !
                !           !       |           !
                !           |       |           !
                !                               !
                            Figure 1.

Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some of the
features of the VMS operating system.

1)  Options.  We've got lots of them.  So many in fact, that you need
two strong people to carry the documentation around.  So many that it
will be a cold day in hell before half of them are used.  So many that
you are probably not going to do your work right anyway.  However, the
number of options isn't all that important, because we picked some
interesting values for the options and called them ...

2)  Defaults.  We put a lot of thought into our defaults.  We like
them.  If we didn't, we would have made something else be the default.
So keep your cotton-picking hands off our defaults.  Don't touch.
Consider them mandatory.  "Mandatory defaults" has a nice ring to it.
Change them and your system crashes, tough.  See figure 1.

3)  Language Processors.  They work just fine.  They take in source,
and often produce object files as a reward for your efforts.  You don't
like the code?  Too bad!  You can even try to call operating system
services from them.  For any that you can't, use the assembler like we
do.  We spoke to the language processor developers about this, they
think a lot like we do, they said "See figure 1".

4)  Debuggers.  We've got debuggers, one we support and one we use.
You shouldn't make mistakes anyway, it is a waste of time.  We don't
want to hear anything about debuggers, we're not interested, See
figure 1.

5)  Error Logging.  Ignore it.  Why give yourself an ulcer?  You don't
want to give us the machine to get the problem fixed and we probably
can't do it anyway.  Oh, and if something breaks between 17:00 and
18:00 or 9:30 and 10:30 or 11:30 and 13:30 or 14:30 and 15:30 don't
waste your time calling us, we're out.  See figure 1.

6)  Command Language.  We designed it ourselves, it's perfect.  We
like it so much we put our name on it, DCL- Digital's Command Language.
In fact we're so happy with it, we designed it once for each of our
operating systems.  We even try to keep it the same from release to
release, sometimes we blow it though,  See figure 1.

7)  Real Time Performance.  We got it.  Who else could have done such
a good job?  So the system seems sluggish with all those priority 18
processes, no problem, just make them priority 1.  Anyway, realtime
isn't important anymore like it used to be.  We changed our group's
name to get rid of the word realtime, we told all our realtime users
to see figure 1 a long time ago.

In conclusion, stuff your SPR.  Love VMS or leave it, but don't complain.