UNIVERSITY COMPUTER STAFF System Manager: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Head of Faculty: Leaps short buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a shunting engine. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water if sea is calm. Senior Tutor: Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind. Is almost as powerful as a shunting engine. Is just as fast a speeding bullet. Walks on water, if in an indoor swimming pool. Lecturer: Barely clears a prefabricated hut. Loses tug of war with locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Personal Tutor: Makes high marks on wall when trying to clear tall buildings. Is run over by locomotive. Can sometimes handle a gun without injuring himself. Dog paddles. User Services: Runs into buildings. Recognises locomotive two times out of three. Is not issued ammunition. Can stay afloat in a life jacket. Research Student: Falls over doorstep when trying to enter building. Says "Look at the choo-choo!". Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Undergraduate: Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks locomotives of their tracks. Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance.