SBRAIN : a new computer algebra system. CAPABILITIES : over 5 terms handled at once (maybe more). PIPING : Commands can be piped in through the medium of Electronic Aural Remote Sensors (EARS) and outputed direct to the Binary Integration Node (BIN). HEADACHES : A unique attribute of this new algebra system. Only the STENSOR manual also has this atribute! MAKE YOUR OWN!! : Only 20 minutes work and 9 months later.....BINGO a paternity case is your's VERSATILE : As well as computer algebra this system can solve complicated moral dilemmas, simulate anger, angst and pain, work out the riemann tensor in flat space, make acceptable omlettes, discuss Kant at parties, throw up at parties, attempt to make new SBRAINs at parties with random women, fuzzy logic, very fuzzy logic, downright bad logic and simulate HAL from 2001 (well at least the bit where he says "I don't think you should do that Dave"). CONSTANTLY DEGENERATING : Another feature shared by STENSOR! This system reaches it's prime 15 years after installation and from then it's all downhill. Rather like the VAX operating system only years rather than months SELF DOCUMENTING : "Hey...you look like a nice girl.....wanna hear my life- story?" or "Trouble?..Don't talk to me about trouble!" INCLUDES A PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE INTERFACE : This new language is a breakthrough in programming style. Major Constructs for SBRAIN are DO..... UNTIL BORED. WHILE YOU GIVE A TOSS DO.... DO OSTENTATIOUSLY.... UNTIL SHE SLEEPS WITH YOU FOR TASK = MOST_IMPORTANT TO LEAST_IMPORTANT PROCRASTINATE. REPEAT.... UNTIL A WASTE OF TIME. CHAT UP UNTIL HUSBAND ARRIVES. WHILE NOT DRUNK DRINK. There are also the usual lisp-type predicates which can be applied to any procedure of SBRAIN or data element of SBRAIN (they are self documenting (see above) AWAKEP DRUNKP (always non-NIL for good versions of the software) BULLSHITP FEDUPP BOREP (in many cases this test always returns TRUE) HORNYP (This predicate is infact NOT BOREP) THERE WILL BE A DEMONSTRATION OF SBRAIN ======================================= there will be a demonstration of SBRAIN in action at a computer algebra center sometime in the next 10 years. At least here's hoping. Bring along your algebra problems. Here is a sample session. SB> so..... USER> int(e^(-x^2),x); SB> Oh not that hoary old chestnut. Bloody hell! USER> Ok then how about anti-commutivity? SB> Not a chance mate. USER> (x+y)^100; SB> Do you really want to know? USER> yes! SB> Are you sure this isn't just some benchmark or something? USER> Well yes SB> Ok....the answer is (x+y)^100 (I did the factorisation before you asked since you would have asked just after) (NOTE THE ARTIFICIAL INTELEGENCE HERE!!!) USER> This is useless SB> Yes..artificial sloth and laziness USER> Fancy a drink. SB> Sure thing. SBRAIN.......Coming you way soon!