REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE SPECS
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- Real programmers don't write specs -- Users should consider
  themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.

- Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to
  write, it should be hard to read.

- Real programmers don't write application programs, they pro-
  gram right down on the bare metal. Application programming
  is for feebs who can't do systems programming.

- Real programmers don't eat quiche. They eat twinkies, and
  szechevan food.

- Real programmers don't write in Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy
  application programmers.

- Real programmers programs never work right the first time.
  But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched
  into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions.

- Real programmers don't write in Fortran. Fortran is for pipe
  stress freaks and crystallography weenies.

- Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers
  are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night.

- Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no program-
  mers write in BASIC, after the age of 12.

- Real programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for program-
  mers who can't decide wether to write in Cobol or Fortran.

- Real programmers don't write in APL. Any fool can be abscure
  in APL.

- Real programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that
  requires you to change clothes. Mounting climbing is OK, and
  real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a
  mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the
  machine room.

- Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps
  who can't read the listings or the object deck.

- Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or
  any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing
  is for people with weak memories.

- Real programmers know better than the users what they need.

- Real programmers think structured programming is a communist
  plot.

- Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for man-
  ager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager
  in suspense.

- Real programmers think better when playing adventure.

And now a local one:

- Real programmers don't write in PLEX. Actually, no program-
  mers write in PLEX, if they don't work at Ericsson.

Some more insults:

C programmers are the ones that come to you saying:
    "can you guess what this code does?"
Apl programmers come to you saying:
    "please can you tell me what this code does"