A new priest at his first mass was so scared that he could hardly speak
After the service he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
"Fine, but next week it might help if a little vodka or gin was put
in your water to relax you"
  The next week, the new priest did exactly that, only he had just a little
bit too much. After the mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done this
  "Fine", he said "but next week there are just a few things you should correct".

1. There are ten commandments, not twelve
2. There are twelve deciples, not ten
3. David slew Goliath, he did not 'kick the shit out of him'
4. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as 'the late JC'
5. The Father,Son and the holy ghost are not 'Big Daddy, junior and the spook'
6. Moses parted the water at the Red sea, he did not pass water
7. We do not call Judas 'El Finko'
8. The Pope is consecrated, not castrated
9. When the multitude were fed with loaves and fishes, Jesus did not mention