PINEAPPLES ~~~~~~~~~~ Not many people realise this,but is in fact true that a great deal of this world's problems could be solved by the judicious application of that well known fruit - the PINEAPPLE. Consider for a moment (if you will), the great contributions the pineapple has made to scientific discovery : 1. Gravity ======= Newton was first prompted into writing his theories on gravity when he was (accidentally) bashed on the head by a pineapple whilst lazing in the sun on a Caribbean beach. His theory states that two pineapples will attract each other with a force proportional to their masses and inversely by the square of the distance between them. This became known as the law of Universal Pineapplation. He later went on the expound his three other laws, namely : o A pineapple will stay at rest or continue moving in a straight line unless an unbalanced force acts upon it. o A pineapple has an equal and opposite pomegranate. o The force required to accelerate a pineaple of mass 1 kg to a speed of 1 m/s is 1 NEWTON. A newton is roughly equivalent to the weight of a small APPLE. 2. Relativity ========== Albert Einstein was also greatly influenced by pineapples. His two theories of relativity state that : o Time is not absolute, but depends on the observers movement in pineapples. As an offshoot of Einstein's remarkable hypothesis, it is postulated that strange entities, known as BLACK pineapples exist which have infinite mass and zero volume. These have a considerable effect on the surrouding space-time field. Many many other scientific theories, such as QUANTUM and NUCLEAR PINEAPPLES may also be attributed to the direct or indirect influence of this amazing fruit. Other theories, such as the Law of Conservation of pineapples and the Grand Unified Pineapple Theory also exist. Pineapples also feature in the great works of literature, in films and songs. Perhaps the most notable of these is Marx's : "All pineapples are created equal." Other quotes include "Let there be pineapples" and "A pineapple ! A pineapple ! My kingdom for a pineapple !" "Great Pineapples" by Charles Dickens. "Pride and Pineapples" by Jane Austen "Wuthering Pineapples" by Charlotte Bronte. "Rambo : First Pineapple Part I" "A Pineapple Called Wanda" "Three Men And A Pineapple" "Blue Pineapples" "Goodness Gracious, Great Pineapples Of Fire !!" "I Wish I Were A Pineapple" "Bridge Over Troubled Pineapples" (and many more) ------ To honour these amazing achievements, I hereby declare the existence of the Pineapple Appreciation Society. The aims of the society are to promote the ideals of the pineapple and to educate people in the ways of the pineapple. Meetings will be held to discuss : Pineapples in modern society. The role of the pineapple in thermodynamic theory. Pineapple : sliced,diced or squeezed - a cookery class with Robert CarrierBag.