My Dog Sex

Usually, everyone who has a dog either calls him Rover or Boy or something. I call mine "Sex". Well, Sex is a very embarrassing name. One day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A cop came along and asked me what I was doing in this alley at 4:00 A.M. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to city Hall to get a dog licence for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a licence for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one, too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." And he said he didn't care how she looked. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was two years old." He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, "But Sex played a big part of my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and I and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." And the clerk said, "Me, too."

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on T.V. He said, "Show-off" I told him it was a contest and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." And the Judge said. "Me, too." When I told him that after I was married Sex left me, he said, "Me, too." Well, now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist and she said, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely." The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that Sex isn't man's best friend- So GET YOURSELF A DOG!!!"


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Pete Bevin, pete@petebevin.com