Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with
friends.  You order what you want, then when you see what the other
fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"  The other replied, "Yes I am, I
married the wrong man."

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree
and the woman gets her master's.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying
for it."

Young Son:  Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?  Dad:  That happens in most
countries, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married; and then it was too late.

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the
wife takes.

Three rings:  Engagement ring, Wedding ring, Suffering.

When a newly married man looks happy we know why.  But when a ten-year
married man looks happy - we *wonder* why.

Married life is very frustrating.  In the first year of marriage, the
man speaks and the woman listens.  In the second year, the woman speaks
and the man listens.  In the third year, they both speak and the
neighbors listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
when I married you."  And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
love and didn't notice it."

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends
up with the same boss.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:  "Wife wanted".  Next day he
received a hundred letters.  They all said the same thing:  "You can
have mine."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: Either the car is new or the wife.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him."  Asked the
friend.  The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

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