%body

Elephant jokes

Elephant Jokes

Q:	What's grey on the inside and pink and white on the outside?
A: 	An inside out elephant.

Q:	What is grey and not there.
A:	No elephants.

Q:	Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A:	Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be asprins.

Q:	Why are elephants wrinkled?
A:	Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q:	Why do elephants wear small green hats?
A:	So they can sneak across snooker tables unobserved.

Q:	How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
A:	He paints his chuckies red and climbs up a cherry tree.

Q:	What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A:	A giraffe eating cherries.

		STOP PRESS:
An elephant did a Ton on the motorway yesterday.
Police advised motorists to treat it like a roundabout.

Q:	What's the biggest drawback in the jungle?
A:	An elephant's foreskin.

Q:	How many legs does an elephant have?
A:	four, two in the front, two in the back.

Q:	How do you get 8 elephants in a fridge, with only enough room for two?

A:	Put 4 in a mini, 4 in another mini,put the two mini's in the fridge, as
	a fridge large enough to hold two elephants, surely can hold two mini's!

Q:	How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A:	open door, get two mini's out, put tarzan in, close door.

Q:	How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A:	you can hear tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO

Q:	How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A:	You cant, silly, there is only one Tarzan!

Q:	Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle ?
A:	Tarzans fridge is not large enough to hold them all.

Q:	How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A:	Depends on the number of elephants.

Q. 	What has the Fifth elephant in a Mini discovered ?
A. 	The sunshine roof.

Q. 	What do you call two elephants on a bicycle ?
A. 	Optimistic !

Q. 	What do you get if you take an elephant into the city ?
A. 	Free Parking.

Q. 	What do you get if you take an elephant into work ?
A. 	Sole use of the lift.

Q:	How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A:	It's bike is outside.

Q:	How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A:	There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q:	How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A:	Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q:	How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A:	It doesn't, You get down from a duck.

Q:	How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A:	Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.

Q:	What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A:	Bloody great holes all over Australia.

Q:	Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkley?
A:	Because, if it was small round and white it would be an Aspirin.

Q:	How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A:	Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q:	What's big, red and slimey?
A:	An inside-out elephant.

Q:	Why do elephants wear sandles?
A:	So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q:	Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A:	To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandles.

Q:	What did Hannibal say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A:	"Look, There's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."

Q:	What did he say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming
	over the hill?
A:	Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

Q:	Why shouln't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A:	Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.

Q:	What is a furry alligator?
A:	A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.

Q:	Why don't elephants like penguins?
A:	They can't get the wrapper off.

Q:	Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A:	So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q:	Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A:	No? Well, it must work so.

Q:	Why do elephants paint their nuts red?
A:	So they can hide in cherry trees.

Q:	How did Tarzan die?
A:	Yup, Picking cherries.

Q:	What do elephants use as vibraters?
A:	Epileptic pigmies.

Q:	What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A:	Swim for your life.

	An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in her
	foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by.
	So the elephant says "Help me, help me."
	But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his
	wicked way with her. Replys the elephant, "Anything! Anything!"
	So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy
	himself.
	Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the
	whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of
	the tree on top of the elephant.
	Says the elephant "Ouch!"
	Says the ant, in his own little frenzy, "Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!"

Just in from Adam Felson (email address removed by request)...
Q:      What's gray and comes in quarts?
A:      An elephant.

Q:      What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
A:      An epileptic.

Q:      What does an elephant use for a tampon?
A:      A sheep.

And two from Erika Richmond:
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toe nails different colors?
A: To hide in the Smartie box.

Q: Did you ever see an elephant in a Smartie box?   No!
A: See how good they hide.
  

Back to the humour page

Pete Bevin, pete@petebevin.com