Dear Sir

I have just received the AIDS leaflet through my door and would like to apply
straight away for AIDS.

I have been on the dole for the past ten years and have been living on
Supplementary Benefit and every other State Aid I could get.  It now seems I
will be getting aid for sex.  It's a pity AIDS has come so late as I already
have 15 children and wondered if you will be making back payments.

Your leaflet states that the more sex I have the more the chances I have of
getting AIDS.  My onlyproblem here is persuading my wife, who is not so keen
after 15 kids.  several years agao I bought some sex aids but she showed
little interest and they were hardly used.  Would there be any chance of a
refund for the $17.28 I paid out for these gadgets?

Anyway, I will now explain to her that the Government will now be paying us
for all the sex we have and I am sure she will agree that we cannot let a
chance like this slip by.

You also state that I can pass my AIDS on, but as I am sure you will
understand with a wife and 15 kids there won't be much left to pass on. If
by any chance there is a bit left i will pass this onto my poor old
mother-in-law who only has the pension.

I understand from your leaflet that I can get AIDS through a blood
transfusion and I intend to write to my local hospital staright away to see
if I can have one.  Will the AIDS I get from the hospital be deducted from the
AIDS I get from you?  Perhaps you will write and let me know.

I am a firm believer in getting every aid from the country I can get and I'm
sure you'll agree that by my past performance I do qualify for this one.

Would you let me know how much I will get paid each tim, and will it be
weekly or monthly paiments?

Yours Faithfully


SHAMUS O'TOOLE

PS Your advert is great, I certainly won't die of ignorance, I know my rights!